we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
