he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize