I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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