she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
