I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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