Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
