I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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