evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
