This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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