you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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