I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
