Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
