You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
