I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
is that a dick in a sweater?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
