I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
