I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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