I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
