I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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