this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
