hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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