Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
