theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
