Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
