so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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