It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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