Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
