singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He has the fingertips of a God
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
