You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize