My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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