So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
