I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
