If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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