My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
