I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
