I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
