At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
