well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize