I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
