i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize