I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
