he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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