I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
