if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize