ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
