please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
