Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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