I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
