Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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