look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize