I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
