well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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