Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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