hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
