By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he had hair everywhere except his balls
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
