If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
