There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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