We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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