literally had 100 drinks last night.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
