im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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