dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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