Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
