Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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