you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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