it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
