They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We left the knife in your bed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
