so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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