You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
