he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
