I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
