just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
